You Can’t Get This Shopping Advice in Cosmopolitan

I went shopping in Cardiff recently on my own. I didn’t have much time to shop (about an hour and a half) so I needed to get the things I wanted quickly. I usually like to escape from the general noise (e.g. screaming children) while I’m shopping so I listen to music on my ipod and, on this particular day, found myself listening to the Star Wars Soundtrack.

Here’s a tip for free. Listen to the main Star Wars Theme whilst you’re picking what you want in a big clothing shop. It motivates you to move quickly through the crowds while making quick but accurate choices about what to wear (or so you think). The odd calm moments in the main theme can occur at the right time when you’re facing a group of women who you’ve accidentally trodden on and then pushed out of the way and they’re glaring at you like you’re an idiot (because you are). The uplifting moments give you the courage to smile serenely, use the force to make them think you’re not the droid they’re looking for, make them think it’s their fault, and then you march on to the next clothing rail. Use your lightsaber to carelessly toss aside and singe those fashion items which you deem tasteless and cheap (forget we’re in Primark for the moment).

Make sure you’ve got the Imperial March ready to play when you’re about to make your way to the long and tedious cashpoint queue. The sensation of actually being Darth (Princess) Vader gives you the right to stride to the front of the queue whilst using the force calmly and competently to daze and then force-throw those queuers who do not look upon you as a fashion icon, out on to the shop floor.

After your successful shopping trip you can take yourself off to the Mos Eisley Cantina to laugh at the reprobates and celebrate being a sith-hot rock-hard shopper.




While you're at it, go shopping at Tyrant Designs and get this cool design on a T-shirt! Wooo!