My Excuse For A Sleep disorder

I have a sleep disorder. I’m not sure what it’s called but a psychologist friend thinks it’s called REM Epilepsy Sleep Disorder. Although I don’t have epilepsy, I sometimes have particularly disturbing dreams when feeling particularly anxious about something like deadlines, or being upset over something. The dream content is quite disturbing (lucky me) and usually involves me having to do something to someone that I don’t want to do. At the same time I’m resisting, I’m struggling to wake up and it’s almost as if I can’t move or breathe. When I do finally wake, I have to take a huge breath and then feel like I’m paralysed for a second or two and I’m absolutely terrified. Also, when I’m asleep I kick, punch, push etc. etc. Not all the time but past boyfriends complain of bruises to various parts of the body (hehe). Seriously tho, I don’t remember doing these things but I do remember it happening at an early age. When my dad went away on business I’d share a bed with my mum and she used to say that I kicked her a lot in the night. Poor mum. So obviously these limb movements indicate that I’m enacting my dreams as I sleep. An example of a tame dream I’ve had is when I was attacked in a flat I used to share with my friend Claire. It was odd in that I was being attacked by a four foot high crustacean that was clinging to my leg. I was trying to shake it off my leg and woke up shaking my leg.

So, I decided to look up REM Epilepsy Sleep Disorder on the net (something I always shout at my mum for doing when she’s trying to self-diagnose). Salah Uddin & Jarmi (2005) have provided a concise description of the symptoms and prevalence etc. of this disorder although I’m not convinced that it’s my sleep disorder. For one thing, there is no murderous intent in the involuntary limb actions (shame really).

So the moral of this story is, if you ever decide you want to sleep with me, don’t. And if you insist (aw shucks), give me a slight sedative first if you want to leave my bed alive …..